Directors: Phil Lord & Chris Miller
Starring: Ryan Gosling, Sandra Hüller & James Ortiz
Rated: PG-13 (some thematic material & suggestive references)
Runtime: 2 hours & 36 minutes 

​There’s something uniquely “amaze, amaze, amaze” when watching a human travel 11.9 light-years away to experience an unbreakable friendship with a rock-shaped alien with no face but so much heart. “Project Hail Mary,” directed by Phil Lord and Chris Miller, is the ultimate tragedy turned hopeful story — exactly what movie-goers need right now.

Based on the remarkable 2021 novel of the same name by Andy Weir, Hollywood has again adapted a Weir novel, with the brilliant work of screenwriter Drew Goddard, into an instant classic. Weir’s first novel, The Martian (published in print in 2014), was also a hit, thanks to Goddard, starring Matt Damon in 2015. But neither the book nor the movie can compare to the masterpieces of “Project Hail Mary.”

The novel has incredible stakes, heart and humor, and I was so nervous about how the movie was going to balance all three. There were key things left out of the movie version of “The Martian,” as is typically the case with most adaptations. Still, Weir’s book was so perfect, I couldn’t fathom them leaving any part of the story out.

While parts of the novel were certainly streamlined for the movie, the novel was mostly preserved and played out on screen. Making it film-adaptable was something Weir must have had in mind while writing it because it transitioned to the big screen flawlessly.   

Ryan Gosling at the helm as science teacher turned world-saving astronaut Ryland Grace, ‘Mary’ was perfection. At first, I was a little surprised by Gosling’s casting because I honestly didn’t think he was nerdy enough to pull off the character of Ryland. I just thought he was too pretty. But he tapped into every emotion that character needed — goofiness, fear, confusion, sadness, humor and the depth of emotion a character like that needs to decide to sacrifice his future for his newfound intergalactic friend, Rocky. I couldn’t imagine another actor portraying him.

The movie opens, as does the novel, with Ryland waking up from a years-long coma aboard the Project Hail Mary spaceship. His two crewmates are dead, and he’s alone, 11.9 light-years away from Earth near the star system Tau Ceti, with no way to contact Earth. Because of the coma, it takes him a while to understand where he is and why. In flashbacks, the audience learns that he’s plucked from his middle school science classroom because of a paper he wrote on how organisms can survive without water, a concept that got him laughed out of the science world. It’s exactly this kind of out-of-the-box thinking that is needed to solve the unprecedented threat of the sun dying. International leader of the Petrova Taskforce, Eva Stratt (played perfectly by Sandra Hüller), gives him three of the invasive alien organisms, astrophage, that are eating the sun, to see what he can learn about them. While his theory about no water is busted, he quickly learns how astrophages breed, with help from his government security detail, Carl (the delightful Lionel Boyce). Carl wasn’t featured in the novel, and I love the choice to add him — it shows off Ryland’s playful side early on.

We see through flashbacks that Ryland had no intention of being one of the astronauts who would go on the suicide mission, Project Hail Mary, to discover why Tau Ceti seems to be the only star system immune to astrophage. They can breed just enough astrophage to fuel the spaceship to make it that far into space, but there’s no time to make enough for a return trip before Earth is destroyed. The ship can, however, send back four unmanned beetle probes — named after the Beatles — with scientific data and samples of whatever is stopping the astrophage on Tau Ceti.

After a key crew member is killed in an accident, Ryland is asked to fill the role of the scientist-astronaut, as the only other person available with expertise in astrophage. He’s adamant he can’t do it. He won’t do it. But the world has no choice — all of humanity ends without him.

Amid all of these flashbacks, we’re back with Ryland on the ship near Tau Ceti when he first sees an alien ship, Blip-A. While the two ships first try to communicate via throwing essentially a message in a bottle — made of solid Xenonite — soon, Blip-A attaches to Project Hail Mary, and we see the beloved Rocky for the first time. Rather than using CGI, Rocky is a rock-spider puppet with no face, operated by six puppeteers, led by James Ortiz. I honestly think this decision was big enough to impact the movie’s heart. A CGI image just wouldn’t have been the same, and it’s a vital reality any filmmaker should pay attention to.

Rocky, as Ryland names him, is his ship’s mechanic and also the only Eridian left on his ship, as his crewmates have also passed away. Rocky, also voiced by Ortiz, communicates in musical notes, but the two quickly decipher how to communicate by comparing mathematical patterns and assigning words to the notes on a laptop. The astrophage is also eating Rocky’s planet, making him their only hope, too.

From the moment Rocky arrives, the film shifts from a space-mission-to-save-Earth plot to a buddy film of sorts. Rocky tries to pick up on the human language, but his slight mishaps of repeating words like “amaze, amaze, amaze” or “Fist my bump” instead of fist bump or giving the thumbs down when something is good make for so many laugh-out-loud moments. Then there are the two just trying to coexist, kind of like college roommates who are trying to save their species.

I was nervous while watching the film that they might change the ending. I thought for a moment that the most crucial part of the film, demonstrating Ryland’s growth as a person, would be whitewashed. I’m thrilled they preserved it.

“Project Hail Mary” is one of the few movies I wanted to watch immediately again after seeing it in theaters. It’s a story of sacrifice, friendship and hope. I’m so grateful that the film did all the characters justice. The world could certainly use more beings like Ryland and Rocky. 

 
I have a request for writer/director Quentin Tarantino …

​Will you shut the fuck up?

Everything that comes out of your mouth these days seems to be dumber than the thing you said before. I know you like being a provocateur, but I don’t think you need the limelight this much, do you? Shouldn’t you be more concerned with that 10th film you’ve always said you're retiring on?

In an interview with the Sunday Times, Rosanna Arquette, who had a role in Tarantino’s 1994 smash “Pulp Fiction,” spoke out against the director’s frequent use of the “N-word” in his films – a criticism often levied against the popular director.

She said: “[Pulp Fiction is] iconic, a great film on a lot of levels. But personally, I am over the use of the [slur] – I hate it. I cannot stand that [Tarantino] has been given a hall pass.”

Arquette also called the use of the slur “creepy,” and admitted to harboring some resentment toward the movie, because she stated she was the only actor on the project that didn’t see some back end money following the film’s release, which she blames on the film’s producer, the controversial Harvey Weinstein, who’s currently serving time for a series of sexual assaults.

Tarantino couldn’t let the swipe pass without commenting, and his response is incredibly hypocritical and narcissistic – though who can really be surprised by that second part.

Tarantino released the following statement to media outlets on Tuesday, March 10:

“Dear Rosanna,

I hope the publicity you’re getting from 132 different media outlets writing your name and printing your picture was worth disrespecting me and a film I remember quite clearly you were thrilled to be a part of?

Do you feel this way now?

Very possibly.

But after I gave you a job, and you took the money, to trash it for what I suspect is very cynical reasons, shows a decided lack of class, no less honor.
There is supposed to be an esprit de corps between artistic colleagues.
But it would appear the objective was accomplished.

Congratulations
Q“

Are you fucking kidding me, Tarantino?

If you’re not familiar with why I ask this, let me remind you of the controversy Tarantino stirred merely months ago when he went on The Bret Easton Ellis Podcast and claimed Paul Dano was “the weakest fucking actor in SAG,” during a conversation about director Paul Thomas Anderson’s “There Will Be Blood.” For some reason, he also felt the need to add that he didn’t care for Owen Wilson or Matthew Lillard as actors, either.

So, for Tarantino to talk about “class,” “honor” and especially “an esprit de corps between artistic colleagues” is laughable, hypocritical and confirms that he’s a raging asshole.

Thankfully, Tarantino got hammered by many, including high-profile actors like Toni Collette, who responded to a reporter’s question to Dano during a 20th anniversary screening of “Little Miss Sunshine” in January with: “Are we really going there? Fuck that guy! He must’ve been high … it was just confusing. Who does that?”

Maybe the backlash to Tarantino’s unnecessary jab at Dano and his hypocritical response to Arquette will teach the writer/director that we don’t care to know every opinion he has, but if there’s one thing we’ve learned about Tarantino over the years, it’s that he fucking loves the sound of his own, whiny voice.