Morgan Wallen Denied Entry Into God's Country

by Julian Spivey

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Morgan Wallen made waves on Saturday night (March 29) when he abruptly walked off the stage during the closing portion of NBC’s long-running sketch comedy series “Saturday Night Live,” known as the “goodnights” segment of the show.

Typically, the evening’s musical guest celebrates with the week’s host and cast members on stage at Studio 8H in Rockefeller Center by shaking hands, giving high-fives or hugs, etc., while the credits roll on screen.

Instead of doing this, Wallen merely walked off stage directly in front of the camera after the week’s host, Mikey Madison, a recent Oscar-winner for her role in the movie “Anora,” thanked him and said good night.

The cast of the show was noticeably further back behind Madison and Wallen during this portion than most weeks, as if they didn’t want to choke on Wallen’s Axe body spray or have any of his casual racism rub off on them.

Many immediately wondered if Wallen and the show, of which the two have a controversial past regarding COVID-19 protocols, had rubbed each other the wrong way. This sentiment may have been confirmed by Wallen’s own Instagram, which featured an image of his private jet with the caption “Get me back to God’s country,” which may have been about his home in Nashville, Mar-a-Lago, or a trip back in time to Jeffrey Epstein’s Island.  

Sometime during this flight, the Federal Aviation Administration (FAA) lost communication with Wallen’s jet, as it does these days, and the plane went down somewhere between New York City and God’s Country. Wallen reportedly perished in the flight, the only actual way this guy could be cancelled.

Upon his arrival at the Pearly Gates, Wallen was reportedly turned away by St. Peter.

“We can accept your horrible music, we’ll even take your drunk and disorderly antics and your flagrant disregard for health protocols, but under no circumstances will we allow anyone through these gates who includes racist slurs in their vocabulary,” St. Peter said.

Wallen then descended into Hell, where he should feel comfortable and at home, as his music is featured on loop.