Norm Macdonald's 10 Greatest O.J. Simpson Weekend Update Jokes

by Julian Spivey

Screenshot

O.J. Simpson, football legend and both acquitted and convicted criminal (depending on the charge), died on Wednesday, April 10 of prostate cancer at the age of 76.
​
Simpson’s death instantly made me think of Norm Macdonald, one of my all-time favorite comedians and cast members of “Saturday Night Live.” It apparently led many others to do the same as Macdonald, who died in 2021 of leukemia, was trending on social media after the news broke of Simpson’s death. This is because Macdonald’s tenure on ‘SNL,’ in which he anchored the Weekend Update news desk was during the time of the O.J. Simpson murder trial in the mid-‘90s.

Weekend Update of that era, a collaboration with Macdonald and legendary ‘SNL’ writer Jim Downey, was known for its dry sardonic sense of humor in which the two of them were going to do whatever they felt was funny with the audience’s response be damned.

When they started in on the O.J. jokes with their obvious opinion of him being guilty it rankled some within NBC, especially Don Ohlmeyer, President of the network’s West Coast division, who was friends with Simpson. The Simpson jokes ultimately got Macdonald canned from Weekend Update in early 1998 and led to Downey’s ouster from the show (he would return in 2000) but they remain probably Macdonald’s most famous ‘SNL’ moments.

Here are what I believe to be Norm Macdonald’s 10 Funniest O.J. Simpson Weekend Update jokes: 

10. “In Brentwood, O.J. himself was spotted manning a lemonade stand with his daughter Sydney. Asked by reporters why sales were so poor, O.J. replied: “beats me.” And then he went back to cutting lemons with a giant knife.”
​
9. “Against the Jets last week Buffalo Bills running back Thurman Thomas broke O.J. Simpson’s career rushing record and the week before he surpassed Simpson in career touchdowns. Next up for Thomas? An attempt to kill three people at once.”

8. “This week at the O.J. Simpson trial the infamous bloody glove was finally introduced into evidence and O.J. didn’t help his case any by blurting out, “There it is, I’ve been lookin’ all over for that thing.”

7. “F. Lee Bailey said this week that if the defense only knew what Ron Goldman’s last words were they might be able to find the real killer. You know, if you asked me, Goldman’s last words were probably, ‘Hey, you’re O.J. Simpson.’”

6. “O.J. Simpson’s lawyers say they don’t want the families of Nicole Brown Simpson and Ron Goldman in the courtroom during the trial. They’re afraid the presence of the family members will just remind O.J. of how much killing he still has to do.”

Screenshot

5. [Graphic says 5th O.J. Juror Axed’] “Oh No, O.J. has struck again, how ‘bout that?”

​4. “O.J. Simpson’s lawyers have decided to skip hearings on DNA evidence and go right to trial. Asked why they did this the lawyers replied: “We want to get O.J. acquitted as speedily as possible so he can get back to doing what he does best – killing people.”

3. “In his book O.J. Simpson says that he would’ve taken a bullet or stood in front of a train for Nicole. Man, I’ma tell you that’s some bad luck when the one guy who would’ve died for you, kills you.”

2. “In a brilliant move during the closing argument, Simpson's attorney Johnnie Cochran put on the knit cap prosecutors say O.J. Simpson wore the night he committed the murders. Although, O.J. may have hurt his case when he blurted, ‘Hey, hey easy with that. That’s my lucky stabbin’ hat.’”

1. [In the first ‘SNL’ episode following O.J. Simpson’s acquittal in the murder trial] “Well, it is finally official. Murder is legal in the state of California.”
 
Here’s a compilation of some of Macdonald’s greatest O.J. Simpson Weekend Update jokes, many of which made this list.