We Are Enough - 'Barbie' and the Impossibility of Being a Woman

This piece was written during the 2023 WGA and SAG-AFTRA strikes. Without the labor of the writers and actors currently on strike, the films being covered here wouldn't exist.

by Aprille Hanson-Spivey

Photo: Warner Bros.

​“It is literally impossible to be a woman.” 

As soon as the words fell gracefully, yet painfully, from actress America Ferrera’s mouth as exasperated married mom Gloria in the summer blockbuster “Barbie,” I zeroed in. I couldn’t have known what she was going to say at that moment would hit me so deeply forever. 

And not only hit me but haunted me. 

The messages of female empowerment embody director Greta Gerwig's “Barbie” at a time in society when a movie like this is desperately needed. The amount of pressure put on women every single day of our lives is staggering. 

I’m not a mom, but I feel the enormous weight of excelling in my career, constantly battling to keep my house clean, deciding and cooking or ordering take-out every single night – a must, especially since I tend to forgo lunch, instead snacking on chips or quickly shoving a granola bar in my mouth to continue working. 

Then there are all the “side hustles,” a cute little term we’ve coined as a society to put more work on ourselves. For me, it’s writing – writing for a newspaper, attempting to write a children’s book, writing for this website and mentally hoping to write a nonfiction book relating to death (what a Barbie thing to do). 

Let’s not forget the “hobbies” and other responsibilities – dinners, drinks, celebrations, book club with friends, caring for our three dogs and cat (feeding, letting them out, walking them, playing with them, taking them to training classes, etc.) and adding a foster dog to the mix to put even the tiniest dent in the South’s overpopulation and cruelty toward animals. Fosters come with their own unique responsibilities – potty training, kennel training, vet appointments. 

I coordinate a grief ministry at my Catholic parish, hopefully utilizing some of the talents God gave me in my own struggles of losing my Mama to help others see hope as they trudge through grief. I have an adoration hour, praying in front of the Blessed Sacrament each week to give me the peace I so desperately need outside of the regular weekend Mass I attend. 

And remember, I’m not a mom. I don’t have human children, yet I want them. Why? Because I know ultimately it’s an unmatched joy in this life that will outweigh – but not eliminate – all the hard times parenthood brings.

Or maybe it’s because I’m a woman, and apparently, we are gluttons for punishment. 

This isn’t meant to be just a laundry list of my busy life. Any woman you see on the street, tap her on the shoulder (but not in a creepy way, we’re all on alert) and ask about her schedule and I’m sure you’d find each has either an equally hectic life or is a million times busier. I am constantly in awe of women who have more irons in the fire than me, thinking, “How does she possibly do it?” I settle on divine intervention usually. 

Last year, I made a massive career change that sent me into a tailspin. I did what most journalists eventually do and hopped on over to the “dark side” of marketing. Thankfully, it’s for an organization that is literally in the business of saving lives, but still, add identity crisis to the list of things I deal with every single day. 

So, when Ferrera launched into her monologue about how it’s “literally impossible to be a woman,” it was literally impossible not to cry the two times I’ve seen it so far. Because I felt the weight of the impossibility of what society wants me to do and has wanted me to do my entire life with every single line she delivered: 

“It is literally impossible to be a woman. You are so beautiful and so smart, and it kills me that you don't think you're good enough. Like, we have to always be extraordinary, but somehow we're always doing it wrong.”
Not feeling enough is a constant struggle. I started to tear up immediately. 

“You have to be thin, but not too thin. And you can never say you want to be thin. You have to say you want to be healthy, but also you have to be thin.”

Every day I think, “I’m going to eat healthier.” I tell my husband, “We really need to be healthier.” And I want to be “healthy,” but I also want the fat gone from my thighs … but it’s a little too vain to explain to people. And oh yeah, I need to make time to exercise. 

“You have to have money, but you can't ask for money because that's crass.”

I swear I have PTSD from every past job in asking to be paid what I’m worth. Ask any journalist and they’ll have the same story. Add extra trauma for us female reporters. 

“You have to be a boss, but you can't be mean. You have to lead, but you can't squash other people's ideas.”
If you are leading anything and come off as a bitch, you’ll be written off as such. 

“You're supposed to love being a mother, but don't talk about your kids all the damn time.”

My heart ached for my mom friends. 

“You have to be a career woman, but also always be looking out for other people.”

At this point, my eyes have really welled up. 

“You have to answer for men's bad behavior, which is insane, but if you point that out, you're accused of complaining.”

How dare I ever question men in power, especially in the workplace? 

“You're supposed to stay pretty for men, but not so pretty that you tempt them too much or that you threaten other women because you're supposed to be a part of the sisterhood.”

Ah, the constant societal-forced competition with other women. We’ve been comparing ourselves to other women since middle school. 

“But always stand out and always be grateful. But never forget that the system is rigged. So, find a way to acknowledge that but also always be grateful.”

I mean, who wouldn’t be grateful, right men? 

“You have to never get old, never be rude, never show off, never be selfish, never fall down, never fail, never show fear, never get out of line. It's too hard! It's too contradictory and nobody gives you a medal or says thank you! And it turns out in fact that not only are you doing everything wrong, but also everything is your fault.”

And I’m crying again even as I write this from the weight of impossibility. Because who else would be at fault? After all, Eve ate the apple first, right? 

“I'm just so tired of watching myself and every single other woman tie herself into knots so that people will like us. And if all of that is also true for a doll just representing women, then I don't even know.”

I am tired too. Every single woman on this planet is collectively tired because of the pressures society has placed on us. As a devout believer, I know it’s not what God wants for us. But even if you’re not at that place in whatever spiritual journey you’re on believe me when I say that I think we can all agree it’s also not what the universe wants for us. 

It’s amazing that it took a bright pink movie about an iconic doll to lay out all the heartbreaking ways society is getting it so wrong. 

I know it feels impossible ladies, but we really are enough. Let’s start believing it.