by Julian Spivey
10. “Round Here” by Florida Georgia Line Florida Georgia Line really busted onto the country music scene in 2013 with their particular brand of douchey bro-country music. “Round Here” is among the most innocent of the group’s tripe, but still filled with so many modern country music stereotypes that it’ll make you role your eyes. It seems like 75 percent of country music songs today are explanations of how “country people do it ‘round here.” One thing is for sure, I wish Florida Georgia Line would stop making music ‘round here. 9. “Downtown” by Lady Antebellum Lady Antebellum has some of the most talent of any recording group/artist in country music or in any genre of music for that matter. They are a group that I wouldn’t be shocked if they never had another song bad enough to make my list of the ‘worst country songs of the year’ again. But, despite all this, I just couldn’t forgive them for the incredible annoyance that is “Downtown.” Although, I might have spared them the dishonor had they forgone the line: “I got a dress that’ll show a little uh uh/but you ain’t getting’ uh uh if you don’t come pick me up.” 8. “Chillin’ It” by Cole Swindell “Chillin’ It,” the debut single from some new country punk named Cole Swindell, is one of those songs that I’ve heard about for a little while now, but attempted to avoid for the longest time. Not that people should often judge a song by its title, but when it comes to something called “Chillin’ It” (and for that matter the song at number six on this list) you pretty much know what you’re going to get … another stereotypical song about throwin’ a few back and living the country life (that few actual country folk seem to live). The song sounds like it was a Florida Georgia Line reject and I kind of wish Swindell would go “chill it” somewhere else. 7. “Accidental Racist” by Brad Paisley & LL Cool J Brad Paisley’s duet with hip hop legend LL Cool J was certainly the most well-intentioned song of the year to make this list, but fell incredibly flat. Paisley’s intention was to bring a very important topic to the forefront of country music, but he went about it in almost the worst way imaginable. The song includes lyrics by both Paisley and LL Cool J that could be taken as racist in their attempts to speak out about racism. The worst of the worst being LL Cool J’s line about “Now my chains are gold/But I’m still misunderstood” and the throwaway line that truly should’ve be thrown away: “If you don’t judge my do-rag/I won’t judge your red flag,” as if the two objects mean similar things. The song is exactly what happens when somebody tries to be an expert on something that they don’t have the right to be considered an expert on. The mixture of country and hip-hop is almost always a laughable mix, as well. Paisley has had success in the past on serious topics, including race (see “Welcome to the Future”), but he would’ve been better off leaving this one alone. 6. “Get Your Shine On” by Florida Georgia Line “Get Your Shine On,” much like Cole Swindell’s “Chillin’ It,’ is one of those songs you just know is going to be bad by the title. In fact, if I heard someone say “get your shine on” in a real-life conversation or situation I wouldn’t want to know that person at all. The song is more bro-country tripe from the current kings of bro-country. Florida Georgia Line seems perfectly content on just recording the type of party songs that you’d hear only at Southern frat parties or football tailgates. The song includes the most simplistic rhyming songwriting and pretty much proves to everybody FGL have no use for substance … except for the kind that lead to a good time. 5. “Parking Lot Party” by Lee Brice Lee Brice may have won the CMA Song of the Year for “I Drive Your Truck,” but he followed it up with one of the dumbest things you’ll ever hear on country music radio, “Parking Lot Party.” This song features some of the most idiotic ramblings of lyrics you’ll ever hear with its chorus: “’Cause there ain’t no party like the pre-party/And after the party at the after-party/At the parking lot party.” The most dumbfounding thing is it took four people just to write this crap. CMA voters really should have rethought their Song of the Year honor for “I Drive Your Truck,” just for the song that followed it. 4. “Boys ‘Round Here” by Blake Shelton Remember that time when every song Blake Shelton recorded became a great country hit? Maybe not, because it’s been a little while. Ever since Shelton became massively famous due to his little NBC reality show “The Voice” he’s turned more to a pop or bro-country sound and left the traditional country songs, for the most part, in the past. Sure, every now and then he’ll turn up with something truly good like his current “Mine Would Be You,” but more and more he’s turning out stereotypical country anthems, like the worst of his career “Boys ‘Round Here.” The song may be a red, red, red, red, red, red redneck anthem, but it includes truly abhorrent lyrics like “chew tobacco, chew tobacco, chew tobacco spit” and a completely unnecessary swipe at The Beatles (who does that?). Songs like “Boys ‘Round Here” are truly offensive to Southerners and country boys alike because they sum them up in the most negative and stereotypical ways. Blake Shelton should know better. He’s got far too much talent for this stuff. 3. “Cruise (Remix)” by Florida Georgia Line feat. Nelly I’m pretty much running out of negative things to say about Florida Georgia Line. Three songs on my ‘worst country songs of the year’ list is pretty unprecedented by any artist in the genre. I truly wish this group would give it up and head back somewhere near the Florida Georgia line and stay gone forever. The worst of their worst, and that’s truly saying something, is their initial single “Cruise,” which hit the radio back in 2012, but the remix version with former hip hop star and apparently go-to country/hip hop collaborator Nelly came out this year and because many country music fans have been lobotomized became the best selling single in country music history. It’s seemingly never a good thing when the genres of country and hip hop mix and “Cruise (Remix)” is a supreme example why. Maybe it’s not so much of an unusual collaboration though because Florida Georgia Line has clearly co-opted some of their objectification of women from the genre of hip hop. 2. “That’s My Kind of Night” by Luke Bryan I swear Luke Bryan just has two songs and has repackaged them and reworded them over and over again in his career. There’s his corny love song side in songs like “Kiss Tomorrow Goodbye” and then his party song side in songs like “That’s My Kind of Night.” I’m not sure why his fans haven’t realized this yet, maybe because most are women who aren’t actually paying attention to his music (you may think this a sexist view, but go on Twitter and type ‘Luke Bryan’ in and see what people are really talking about). “That’s My Kind of Night” would have easily been the worst country song of just about any other year, but this year Jason Aldean happened to tell the world about something known as “Diffieing.” “That’s My Kind of Night” is what happens when country music completely stops focusing on substance and just wants to record stuff that would play well in the clubs that many of them are poking fun at in their own songs. You have to realize how lame the country/hip hop stuff is when artists are singing about “a little Conway [Twitty] and a little T-Pain,” when a hip hop artist like T-Pain is already irrelevant in the hip hop genre. “That’s My Kind of Night” also includes one of the worst choruses ever heard on country radio: “All them other boys wanna wind you up and take you downtown/But you look like the kind that likes to take it way out/Out where the corn rows grow, row, row my boat/Floatin’ down the Flint River, catch us up a little catfish dinner/Gonna sound like a winner, when I lay you down and love you right/Yeah, that’s my kind of night!” It’s not exactly Kristoffersonian is it? 1. “1994” by Jason Aldean Jason Aldean is no stranger to having songs on my ‘worst country songs of the year’ lists. After all, he’s one of the founding fathers to today’s new bro-country sound. While he’s done some truly horrific stuff in the past like “Hicktown” and “Dirt Road Anthem” he topped it all this year with “1994” and his ode to Joe Diffie – an artist who could truthfully put Aldean to shame. “1994” is truly one of those songs that can kill brain cells just to listen to with its incessantly inane “Joe, Joe, Joe Diffie. Won’t you teach us how to Diffie?” What does “teach us how to Diffie” even mean anyway? Not only is “1994” incredibly annoying, but it’s lazy as it cribs much of its lyrics from Joe Diffie song titles. Utter trash from the king of country trash.
3 Comments
Bob vance
6/30/2021 07:12:10 pm
Someone hates new country. Also, you’re an idiot. Literally all of the FGL songs you hate were amazingly high grossing songs. You must have also hated Trump too.
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6/30/2021 07:25:06 pm
New country? Nah. Most mainstream country out of Nashville, sure.
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Bigbadnurse
11/10/2023 01:54:39 am
Why did Brian Kelly of fgl grow that ratty hipster beard? He used to be a rather handsome prince harry look a like. Now he can’t even do that right
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