Rock Hall's The Police Announce Name Change Amidst Today's Cultural Climate

by Julian Spivey
Sting, Andy Summers and Stewart Copeland, members of the popular Rock & Roll Hall of Fame British group The Police recently met at an undisclosed location in London, which some in the press believe was totally Sting’s sex dungeon, to discuss changing the name of the group that has mostly been defunct since 1984, with the exception of a reunion tour in 2007-2008.
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Due to the current political and cultural climate of the world the band has decided they no longer want to be referred to or associated with the name The Police. This comes on the heels of American groups like the Dixie Chicks and Lady Antebellum shortening their names to The Chicks and Lady A respectively due to racial connotations of the original names.

In a memo released to the press Sting, Summers and Copeland said, “they were sorry if their longtime name had offended anybody and their sole interest was in laying down new wave and reggae-infused pop-rock grooves and not in attempting to drive a wedge in communities around the world.”

While the trio doesn’t have any plans to release any new music, they demand all streaming services like Spotify and Apple Music change their name on the platforms and any re-releases of past records go by the band’s new name.

The memo states, “beginning today we shall forever be known as The Firefighters, because everyone loves firefighters.”

The band realizes there isn’t much that can be done about past records and memorabilia sporting the old name of The Police but figure any fans of the original name will soon be burning their band merchandise in bonfires around the country anyway. The group would like for their longtime fans to know if these fires get out of control they can always seek help by calling their local fire department. 

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